Six years. Has it truly been that long since I navigated the treacherous waters of a full-blown eating disorder? The passage of time is a peculiar thing; I actually had to delve into old Facebook albums just to pinpoint the exact year, a testament to how far removed I now feel from that chapter of my life. This check-in feels incredibly timely and necessary, especially as I know that the delicate balance between healthy eating and obsessive exercise is a struggle many of us encounter. My own wellness journey, with all its peaks and valleys, has undeniably been a profound teacher, revealing invaluable insights about myself and what truly matters.
Recently, I’ve had the immense pleasure of spending some much-needed R&R with my dear friend, Davida. Our conversations spanned everything from entrepreneurial ventures and the nuances of friendship to holistic wellness practices and the latest podcasts. Her passion and dedication have been a powerful catalyst, inspiring me to finally sit down and articulate these thoughts. Writing, for me, often comes with a heavy dose of self-criticism. Surrounded by talented writers like Davida and my own sister, whose words flow with seemingly effortless grace, I often feel inadequate. I’ve frequently dismissed my own writing abilities, but Davida’s gentle yet firm reminder—”No, Lee… you don’t suck at it, you just need to sit down and do it”—resonated deeply. So, here we are, embarking on this narrative together.
PS: And yes, I chopped off my hair! A refreshing change.
For those who may be encountering my story for the first time, or wish to revisit the foundational elements of my journey, I encourage you to click HERE. This provides essential context for the reflections and experiences I share within this post.
The Genesis of a Struggle: Confronting Anorexia and Exercise Addiction
Six years. It’s been a full six years since I was deeply entrenched in the grip of anorexia and a relentless exercise addiction. This phase, unfortunately, then spiraled into debilitating binge eating episodes. It’s a strange phenomenon how the raw, painful words associated with these struggles become incrementally easier to utter as time creates a gentle distance. I receive numerous questions about my recovery, and the most crucial point I can emphasize right from the start is this: recovery is absolutely NOT an overnight transformation. In fact, I was in profound denial about even having an eating disorder for an entire year into what would eventually become my recovery journey.
There’s a common, yet profoundly misleading, misconception that recovery is as simple as “just eating a cheeseburger.” But the reality is infinitely more complex and deeply rooted. Eating disorders are, unequivocally, a form of mental illness. For me, the onset was heavily triggered by severe depression and anxiety. Like countless other eating disorder narratives you might encounter, food and exercise became the only two variables in my life over which I felt I had absolute, undeniable control. The logic was dangerously simple: if calories in were less than calories out, the scale would drop. And it did. Letting my weight plummet from a healthy 155 pounds (where I comfortably sit today!) to a dangerously low 118 pounds in just three months was not only rapid but profoundly unhealthy. My personality leans towards the obsessive, a trait that fueled the illness. However, if I was to genuinely recover, I realized I needed to channel that intense energy into something constructive, something positive. That’s where Fit Foodie Finds serendipitously entered the picture.
Fit Foodie Finds: A Pillar of My Healing Journey
I genuinely credit this blog, Fit Foodie Finds, with playing a pivotal role in re-centering my mind and helping me rediscover what truly holds significance in my life. It slowly, painstakingly, shifted my focus away from an unhealthy preoccupation with appearance or conforming to societal expectations. Instead, it became a platform for living each day with purpose, uplifting those around me through an infectious blend of positivity and, critically, humor. Ah, humor. What a monumental aspect of my identity I had lost during that dark period. I remember being so rigid, so stark, so utterly devoid of joy. To be back to my “normal,” wonderfully quirky, and slightly weird self is an immense blessing. Because, as I’ve always believed: “if you’re not weird, you’re boring.” Reclaiming that lightheartedness was as vital to my recovery as any nutritional or therapeutic intervention.
Embracing Today: Body Positivity, Strength, and Self-Acceptance
TODAY: Celebrating My Body, Inside and Out
Even after six years, I still have those fleeting moments. The ones where I catch a glimpse of the “squishies” on my stomach and a flicker of thought takes me back to the time I had a defined six-pack. But almost instantly, I mentally slap myself across the face with a metaphorical raw piece of meat – because that’s a jarring reminder that LIFE IS GOOD, and so much richer than abdominal definition. I am profoundly proud of my body and all the incredible things it enables me to do on a daily basis. I am proud that I possess the stamina and strength to embark on an 8-mile hike up a challenging Norwegian mountain and emerge feeling invigorated and powerful. I am proud that I can hold a plank for a full two minutes, demonstrating core resilience. I am proud that I can run a 5K without needing to stop, a testament to cardiovascular health. I am even proud that I sometimes need to go up a size in pants because my quads have grown strong and muscular from all the lifting and movement. Beyond my own pride, I am deeply grateful to have cultivated a supportive circle of people in my life who are equally proud of these achievements and, more importantly, of who I am as a person.
The Indispensable Role of My Tribe: Community in Recovery
Having an extraordinary tribe of people enriching my life has been absolutely fundamental to my everyday happiness and sustained recovery. Mark, my wonderful partner, has been an incredible addition to this tribe over the past year. Whether he consciously realizes it or not, he embodies a natural sense of body positivity and consistently makes me feel beautiful, inside and out. Plus, he knew me way back when I was 17 and navigating all the awkwardness that adolescence entails, giving him a unique perspective on my journey. It’s people like Mark, alongside my dear friends Linley, Emily, Davida, Lindsey, and Monique, as well as my cherished sister, brother, and entire family, who provide daily reassurance. They remind me that I am not alone in this relentless pursuit of perfection, a world often saturated with impossible standards. Their unwavering support normalizes things that once felt terrifyingly rebellious: that it’s perfectly okay for me to enjoy a donut, and it’s not only acceptable but beneficial for me to take not just one, but two or even three rest days a week. WOAH. The truly liberating aspect is that, finally, I am genuinely okay with these choices, too.
Navigating Life’s Tests: Resilience Through Recent Challenges
Despite the past year presenting some significant health hurdles, I find myself in a remarkably good place. Hello, broken foot! And not just any seasonal depression, but one that felt far worse than average – a topic I haven’t deeply explored until now. Oh, and to layer on the challenges, I also navigated a major breakup last May, which undoubtedly took a toll on my mental and emotional well-being. All of THAT, the physical pain, the emotional upheaval, the seasonal darkness, considered and acknowledged… I am happy. As simple, and perhaps even as “dumb” as this may sound to some, I genuinely love my life. And the profound reason for that love is because I consciously CHOSE to build it this way. I chose to prioritize my mental health, to cultivate supportive relationships, and to pursue passions that bring me true joy and purpose.
A Message of Hope and Empowerment: You Are Enough
My heartfelt message to anyone who is currently grappling with an eating disorder, struggling with depression, battling anxiety, or facing any other form of mental illness is this: YOU ARE ENOUGH. You are precisely where you are meant to be at this very moment, and your inherent worth is not defined by external achievements, appearance, or the absence of struggle. Your journey, your struggles, and your triumphs are all part of a unique and valuable existence. Embrace who you are, seek support, and remember that choosing to build a life you love is one of the most powerful acts of self-care and recovery.